I was in my living room drinking my second (or was it third) cup of coffee, writing and creating recipes for my next blog, until I hear the doorbell ring. I opened the door and saw myself. Me 10 years ago. I looked much younger, a lot skinnier, slightly depressed from his past, and maybe a short attention span.
“Hey,” I said to my younger self. He didn’t reply back. I let him in the house. He seems blown away by all the decor in the house. I led him to the living room, where I work. We sat down. My younger self finally speaks. “What you drinking?” with a quiet tone. I cleared my throat. “Coffee”. He looked at me and question my choices as usual, “Isn’t it 5 pm? You can’t sleep later”. I said to him back, “Don’t worry. Caffeine doesn’t hit me as much anymore. And besides, it’s decaf”. He looked confused. “I’m a little embarrassed about how much coffee I drink nowadays. But, at least it tastes good”.
I can tell by the look on his face (well, my face, that he has a ton of questions). “What’s on your mind,” I asked my younger self. He looked away. “I’m having mixed feelings. How much did you sacrifice to get where you are today,”. I replied back with a half-ass answer,” Time, sleep, a part of your sanity, and a few friends”. As soon as I said that, he quickly asked “You mean”. I nodded. “Yes. Her,” I said firmly. His heart sank and he began to cry. I put my right arm on his shoulder to comfort him, but he threw it back violently. That kinda hurt. “I’m going to allow that”, I said to him in a stern voice. He still crying. It’s been 10 minutes and I’m done with my cup of coffee. I try making a deal with my younger self. “How about this. There’s a bubble tea shop like 10 minutes from here. We’ll talk more after then”. I stood up and began walking to the door. “You coming or what,”. He finally stood up and get ready.
We walked to the bubble tea shop. “Wait here,” I said to him. I grabbed my KN95 mask from my pocket. “I’m going to get out stuff and we’ll make our way back home”. He still judging me. “I still don’t get why you have to wear a fucking mask when getting bubble tea. Or even anything”. I replied back to him, “Because I don’t want to get sick and maybe die from Covid smartass”. I’m starting to lost my patience with him. I quickly grabbed our drinks and went back outside. When I got outside there was an anti-mask/ anti-lockdown rally outside the mall across the street. He looked at me and pointed at them. “Those guys don’t seem to care,” he said to me trying to prove himself smart. I sighed. “You have to know that those guys that don’t give a shit,” I said to him. He looks so confused. “Okay… why is that?” he asked. “There’s a ton that doesn’t make sense to you right now but it will later when you grow older”. We walked back to my house.
We went back to my living room, where I left my iPad. I continue doing my work. He just sat there, feeling confused and lost. After a few minutes, he finished his drink and asked me “Why? Why did you do this to me? Well, us”. Finally, he’s starting to calm down a bit. I showed him the house, my work, my friends. “See?” I said to my younger self. “Yes, there were sacrifices. But this short-term loss will have a long-term gain in the end”. Judging by his look, he seems to understand a bit. Yet he’s still arguing.
“You’re such an asshole. I still don’t know why you did this to me. My life would’ve been fucking perfect. And you took it away from me. You know I wouldn’t forgive you for that”. I sighed and looked at my younger self right in the eye. “If I was ever given a second chance from my actions, I would do it all over again”. He froze in silence. “You don’t have to understand it now. But later down the line, it will all make sense in the end.” He then asked me a question, “Will I ever meet someone like her again?”. I groaned. “I’ll take it as a no?”. “Take it whatever you like,” I said in a deeper tone.
I looked at the time. It is 7 pm. “Well, I have to get home for school tomorrow,” he said in a quiet tone. “Yup. Come on. I’ll walk you out,” I got off the couch and headed to the door. While I had my back turned, I asked my younger self, “You coming or what?”. I looked back. He’s gone. So was his drink. I shrugged and continue working on my iPad. Waiting for my family to get home.