How I learn to love my past

One thing that I’m doing right now is coming up and right down different recipes for future blog posts or side projects for work-related purposes. And it’s been my meditation for a while now. Funny story before I get straight into the meat and bones, I’ve done that while I was getting 2 of my wisdom tooth removed. Seems super weird, but it helps me meditate and get creative whenever I want to develop it. But there are sometimes that I just look back at the things I did or say in the past and I cringe. Like I can’t believe I said or did that.

I’m pretty sure that everyone has those moments in our lives that we cringe or we want to go back to change. But we all know we can’t do that.

The wisdom of age brings a notion of thought that there are a lot of things I would change in my past but I wouldn’t change a thing. That’s living a life without regret because I’m grateful for where I am today. I am more satisfied with where I am today than anywhere in my life. So if that’s the case, then everything that has happened to me before brought me here. So I have to love it. I know pain, I know loss, poverty, tragedy, the list goes on and on. For the past several years, I tried to unpack what that means and how that brought me to where I am. And it all culminates in my family and closest friends.

If I ever pull the smallest, most insignificant, menial decision, and if they’re not here, I put it back. The most cringe-worthy moment, where if I ever get to go back in time and tell myself to turn left instead of right, or tell them not to eyeball ingredients while baking, or invest in Apple instead of Amazon. If that right there means that they’re not here with me, in the exact way they are, I wouldn’t do it.

But it doesn’t mean that I don’t like everything about where I’m at. There’s a ton of shit right now that I hate. But that’s the reason why I work, cook, learn, share stories, work out, and try to become a better person. But I don’t want to go back and change anything. That’s no longer viable. First of all, I can’t. And second of all, I don’t want to. I want to change tomorrow. I don’t want to change yesterday. No one can really be “happy in life”. Because in reality, happiness is just a fleeting moment.

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