It’s been 4 years, 10 months, and 15 days since we’ve been together. It seems like yesterday that I made the decision and we went out on our separate ways, but it’s the right thing to do. This had to happen or our relationship just gets uglier and saltier. I found my love in the kitchen while you were settling down with someone else that is probably better than me. But even though it has been so long, I still think this is still my fault because I got so lost in my work that I forgot to keep in touch with you. From a dinner date to a kiss goodnight over the phone, none of them I do. I had never been such a fucking idiot in my entire life.

Today, nearly 5 years of being single, it’s near impossible for me to feel it again. Maybe it’s also because I have the fear of making the same mistake again.  I’ve been so focused at work that it’s hard for me to have a social life. I miss fun events like parties but most of the time I can’t attend because of work. Some of my close friends have girlfriends/boyfriends. Some are even engaged. Which I’m happy for them, don’t get me wrong. I wish them all the best. But somewhere in my heart, it’s saying “I wish that was me.” I wish I have the time to go out, meet new people, and maybe go on dates. I miss those days so so much. But I tend to keep myself busy with work so I don’t have to think about it. Which it works, but I know it will bite me back hard in the end.

Someone told me that your life is like a three legged stool. Your personal life, professional life and your spiritual life. And if any of the legs are missing or broken, you don’t sit right. I learned it the hard way for the past 5 years cooking professionally that you can’t just put all your weight on my career and hope for the best. A one legged stool does not exist. Today, I asked myself “Beside my career what else am I passionate in? What am I investing in?” Life is all about finding that equal balance between career, personal life and other beliefs. Career is good, but never forget about all the love and support from your friends and family that helped you got where you are at today.

So you guys are asking, “what’s next?”. I’m not sure to be truly honest. I have a plan in my culinary journey but nothing when it come to my personal relationship. Maybe just continuing to work ass off work and hope for the best while attempting to find time to catch up and meet new people outside the kitchen. I’m still a believer of if you find a passion, everything will come together nicely. I really hope all that work will pay off soon.

There’s an old Indian saying, “Progress demands sacrifice”. I chose this life. I sacrifice everything to be the best I possibly can. But in the end, is sacrificing everything all worth it?