I opened the door and I turned on the lights in my kitchen. Seeing that the kitchen was cleaned for once was a surprise for me. I checked the oven and stoves to see if they were still working in good condition. Everything was good, but just one gas flame over the stove was off, so I had to reignite it with a lighter. Perfect. I went downstairs to get changed. I went to my office to check for any missing voicemail messages. There are two. One of them was my morning baker, Amy. She called in sick. Again. I swear this is the third time this week. I’m having that feeling that she doesn’t care anymore, even though she said she wants to stay and improve. The second one was my primary garde manger, Chloe. She’s running a few hours late because her kid is feeling sick. I know for a fact that it’s fake because she was out partying all night. That, and she pulled this stunt off like 50 times already. I groaned. “Whatever. We go forward with the plan. I guess I’ll be the morning baker for today,” I thought to myself.

About two hours later, the second person came in. “Morning,” I said. Kristen replied back “Morning”. I told her, “We’ve got a lot of work to do. Can you please get the cold bar station ready so we can be ready for lunch?” She looked at me weirdly. She asked, “Isn’t that supposed to be the garde manger’s job?”. “Yeah, well, she’s running a few hours late because her kid is sick, again”. She smirked, “Of course that happened,” she said sarcastically. I continued working at my bakery station. I’m nearly finished. Just put my pastries in the oven and I’ll be done. “Hang on. I thought you were working on hot apps and managing orders?” Kristen asked while I was putting my pastries in the oven. I closed the oven door firmly and turned around. “Well, you know who called in sick again, and I have to manage two stations today,” I said despairingly. “You can tell I’m already not in a good mood”. She felt so bad for me. Not just because of that, but I just lost my sous chef a week ago. “I’m sorry that happened,” she said. “I’ll try myself to help you any way I can,” I nodded. 

It wasn’t too long until I finally got my station set up. The pastries are finished and are now cooling. Chloe arrived. “Morning, everyone,” Kristen replied. I didn’t. I just nodded. “What happened to Amy?”. I replied loudly because the fan was above me, “What do you think?”. “She called in sick again,” Kristen answered Chloe. I’m getting a little sick of this shit. “Alright, team, here’s the plan. Since we’re down a person today again, our kitchen manager is still recovering from her car accident, our next group of cooks is coming in a few hours, and my sous chef left, I’ll be managing multiple stations for today. I already finished the bakery for the time being, so I’ll be on the hot bar and managing orders. Kirsten, you’re on garde manger today because you already set up your station. Chloe, you’re on front of the house”. Chloe is disgusted. “You know I like to be on cold apps, and I’ve done this longer than she did”. I’m trying to contain my cool. “Well, Kristen has already set up the station. You taking over her station will cause more harm than good. Coming in late is not helpful either. You only got yourself to blame”. She groaned. “Fine”. She took her apron, supplies, and her phone. 

I started sautéing my kale, trying to get ahead of the game, but then the doorbell rang from the back room. It’s my order. Luckily, it’s only one today. But it’s massive. I turned to Kristen, “Hey, my order has arrived. Can you watch my kale while I put everything away? It will take a while”. “Sure thing,” she said. I went back to put away my order. The skid was stacked up to 6 feet high. Taller than me. “Yeah, this will take a while,” I thought to myself. Took me over 30 minutes to get all the stuff in its proper place. When I finished putting the skid in its pile outside the receiving dock, all I could smell was smoke. I also heard yelling in my kitchen. 

I ran back to the kitchen and all I saw was a fire on my stove! It’s my frying pan with my kale. I walked to my team furiously, “What the hell is going on?”. “Kristen didn’t watch your kale, and it caught up in flames”, Chole said. Kristen looked at Chole angrily, “I specifically told you to help me watch Alex’s station because I had to use the washroom quickly. You can’t multitask, or even turn off the stove if you’re incapable?”. “WHAT THE FUCK KRISTEN! I was clearly helping out the front counter.” Kristen can see Chole’s lies. “Bullshit. I saw you on your phone talking to your boyfriend and not paying attention. AGAIN.” I interrupted before anything else happens. “Enough, guys!” I said. “Just help me put out the fire. Kristen, find a lid to cover the pan. Chole, get me salt to put out the fire.” Chole asked me, “Why salt?”. I’m seriously pissed off at her. “Just do it!” I ran to the back of the kitchen to find a fire extinguisher. While I was searching, the fire alarm is ringing so fucking loud. I found two, but they’re out of order. Just my luck. “Alex, I found salt. But let’s use water first.” I screamed, “NO!!”. It’s too late. Chole threw water onto the flame. It grew larger. I yelled at her. “Why the actual fuck you pour water onto an oil fire? Water with an oil fire makes it worse!”. She apologized. She quickly threw salt over the fire, trying to put it out. The fire spreads. She looked at the salt container. She accidentally grabbed sugar. 

The fire is getting out of control. Kristen ran back from the dish station and handed me the lid for the pan. I put on my oven mittens and put the pan in. It worked! I carefully removed my oven mitt from the lid. Right when I did that, a last bit of flame engulfed my oven mitt in flames. It then quickly spreads to my left arm. I screamed, took off my mittens, closed my eyes, and began rolling around the floor, trying to put out the fire that was on me. While I was rolling, I felt like I was falling. My hands are on fire, but it doesn’t hurt. And the fire alarm. It turned into my alarm clock. So soothing. I opened my eyes. I was dreaming. I looked around. I fell off my bed, wrapped in a burrito, and my alarm was ringing for my shift today, 4 am.

“Fuck. It’s one of those nights again,” I said to myself. “This is the fifth night in a row.”I unwrapped myself, threw my blanket on my bed, turned off my alarm, and went to the bathroom to get dressed. When I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I felt a shock on one of my fingers while I was running warm water. I looked at my hands, very drowsy, and one of my nails had half of it sliced off. I thought to myself, “Oh yeah. I was chopping herbs yesterday, and I wasn’t paying attention. At least I didn’t cut my finger off.” I quickly patched myself up with a Band-Aid and headed downstairs to make breakfast.

I grabbed my usual eggs and bread to make fried eggs and toast with my instant coffee. When I put my bread in the toaster, I heat up oil in my frying pan for my eggs. When I cracked my eggs in my pan, it made a loud sizzle noise. I slightly dozed off, thinking the sizzling noise was the fire from my pan in my dream. While I was dozing off, a loud alarm rang. I jumped and looked around my kitchen. What was that? I looked to my right. It was the sound of my toaster. My toast is ready. I sighed. I’m literally going crazy right now. But I know I have to be functional and awake for today. I put my eggs and toast on my plate and went to the table to eat. 

After I sat down, I closed my eyes and listened to everything around me. It was nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was a blessing to have a few moments of peace and quiet to somewhat clear my mind. I put on my morning playlist on low volume so I won’t wake up my relatives upstairs. It was some James Arthur songs with an acoustic twist. Breakfast is standard. I never make anything over-the-top for breakfast, especially when I have work soon. The coffee was amazing. I continue listening to my playlist. So soothing, what I really need.

I looked at my messages on Facebook to see what I’d missed. It was my childhood friend, Phoebe. It was pictures of her wedding that I was unable to attend because of work. I read our previous messages:

Phoebe: Hey, Alex! I don’t know if I told you this, but I’m getting married in 2 weeks! I know you have a lot on your plate, but I would love it if you could come!

Me: Hey Phoebe! I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to make it. I’m very busy with work at the moment. But I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come. Congratulations!

Phoebe: It’s all good. I understand it’s kind of last minute, and you’re extremely busy. It’s worth a shot. But we should catch up sometime after my wedding

Me: We should! I’ll let you know when I’m free

But still, I can hear the screaming, shouting, and the noise of overhead fans in my kitchen in my head. Even the quietest times in my day can’t escape the nightmare I’m living in. I lay my head on the table, taking multiple deep breaths, and trying to keep my shit together. Suddenly, my phone started to vibrate. Looked at the caller ID. It’s my manager. I’m in no mood to talk right now. 

I picked up the phone. “Annie,” I said. “Morning, Alex, how are you?” asked my manager. I took a deep breath. “Let me guess: insomnia is getting to you,” I asked Annie. She replied, “How do you know?” I sighed. She asked me the same question again. “How are you holding up?”. “The pain is excruciating,” I said, trying to keep it together. “Did you hurt yourself again?” she asked, very concerned. “I might have sliced half my nail off while cutting herbs,” She sighed. I asked Annie, “Are you feeling better?” She was very happy. “Yes! I can finally walk again! Not that long though, but it’s a start. I think I can come back to work in a couple of weeks,” I said very depressingly. “That’s what you said numerous ‘a couple of weeks’ ago”. There was a long silence. She can sense that I’m extremely burned out. “Is our crew giving you a hard time?” Annie asked. I almost broke down. I’ve got to keep it together. “You have no idea,” I replied. “Some people are so fucking useless without a boss. I’m just an acting manager until you come back. They won’t fucking listen, show up, or even cared about any of this shit.” “Okay. Okay. Calm down. I need you to hold your ground until I get back,” my manager said calmly. “Once I get back, then we’ll figure something out with those guys. Right now, I need you to not kill yourself by overworking.” I took a deep breath. “Please, this isn’t the first time I pushed to the absolute limit. And it won’t be the last.” There was another long silence. “Just please take care of yourself,” Annie said in a calming tone. I don’t know what else to say. I need to wash my dishes and get ready to go to work. “I have to go. Get well soon,” I said quickly. I hung up. I got up from my chair and washed my dishes. While I was washing my dishes, my band-aid that was covering up my finger slipped off. The hot water from the sink sends a sharp shock from my left finger to my arm. I quickly dried off my hands and continued to finish washing the dishes with my right hand. I quickly patched myself up again and grabbed my lunch that I had packed the night before. Just some leftover pasta, but it’ll do.

I checked my phone for the weather. 3 degrees. It’s so cold outside. I’d better put on more layers. I grabbed another jacket and headed into my car. I started reversing my car out of my garage and stopped for a minute. I can still hear the voices in my head. All the screaming, shouting, and noise of my kitchen. I wish all this noise is out of my head. I put my head on the steering wheel and closed my eyes, and started to cry. I took several deep breaths to try to pull myself together. After a few minutes, I finally drove to work.